Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Dunder Mifflin Canton Branch... when 2nd best just isn't good enough

Good day Canton Cows!!!! MOOOOO!!!! This weeks newsletter is guaranteed to satisfy with the new addition of the Dear Clem column. We are in need of questions, so get them in asap. ASK ANYTHING!!! We will keep your identity a super secret if you wish but send in your very most perplexing of problems and get advice that only Clem can give. This weeks newsletter is a bit late coming, I have the flu. I am not sure it's THE flu, its not great either way, but the show must go on.....

Number of employees: 46
SB's total: 188,332
average SB's per employee: 2,572
quick fact these are the official numbers but when i did the average mathematically i got an average per employee of 4094.17......hmmmmm

This weeks task "the monster maze" was pacman. I don't care what they say or you say it was pacman. So if you are good at pacman, congrats to you some easy SBs if you are not so good at pacman..... like myself because you parents wouldn't let you play video games or watch cable...... it stunk :( if you haven't played yet I suggest you practice first!!!!!

What I learned in the forum this week:
1.Clem is so tasty she might as well be elk food.

2.booze_cruiser does not bat for clems team.....
3. girls who like girls are Lebanese
4.papertiger44 can not only write songs he can write scripts, his idea for the office was brilliant, NBC pay attention
5. There is still not enough chat going on in C-town, lets get gabbin

The Office Thespian corner:

one of my favorite Michael's juke box selection
to the tune of Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake
Submitted by freelance employee joanhollaway ( perhaps we should all send her a bid to join our group...)
here it is
I’m bringing paper back
Them other regional managers don’t know how to act
I think you're special, what's at the Scranton Branch.
So turn around and I'll check out your slacks.
Take 'em to the warehouse
[Bridge]Paper babe
You see the pulp mill
Baby I just shaved
I’ll let you buy some for ten dollars hey..
It’s just that our paper is a primo way
Take 'em to the warehouse
[Chorus]Come here Daryl
Go ahead, move paper with it

Come to the back
Go ahead, move paper with it
Go ahead, move paper with it
Paper on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what you’re working with
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at those sheets
Go ahead, be gone with it
You make me print
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child Ryan
I’m bringing paper back
Pam and Jim don’t know how to act
I think their special, their pregnant in fact.
So turn around and I'll check your slacks.

Photo of the week:
funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Recipe of the week:

Lowfat mushroom potato and leek bisque
2 large Leeks, cleaned and sliced (white parts only)
3 medium Yukon Gold Potatoes
1 1/4 boxes 99% Fat Free Chicken Broth
3/4 cup Light or non-fat sour cream
3-4 cups White button mushrooms, thick sliced
3 slices 2% Kraft Sharp Cheddar Cheese
1 T kosher salt
1 tsp fresh ground pepper
1 T Dill weed
2 T Canola Oil

Cooking Instructions
Heat oil in soup pot until it shimmers. Add leeks and mushrooms. Cook until tender over medium heat. Add chicken broth and potatoes. Cover and boil on medium heat until potatoes are tender and liquid has reduced. Remove cover and mash coarsely with potato masher. Mixture should be thick and chunky. Add salt, pepper, dill and sour cream. Stir well and add cheese. Adjust seasonings to taste. Serve with additional sour cream. NOTE: soup may be served warm or as a cold soup.
Recipe Notes
I love the taste of cream of mushroom soup and potato leek soup and wanted to combine them both in a flavorful, yet low-fat, bisque. You can experiment with different mushrooms and certainly can make this in a full-fatted version

Song of the week:
Down by Jay Sean
This song was never in the office that I know of, but I picked it because i like it and I would love to set this as a challenge for any of our Michael's juke box parody gurus.
Listen to it and all previous songs of the week here

Here it is what you have all been waiting for, the debut of Dear Clem!!!! Enjoy, let her advice marinate in your mind and get your questions to her ASAP!!!

Dear Clem,
I work in an elementary school and often make kids cry. How can I toughen them up so they are prepared for the real world?


Dear Kirz:

It’s ironic that you ask this during the greatest crying kids week of the year: Halloween. Well, crying, sore feet and sugar highs—but as a teacher, you undoubtedly already are well acquainted with that.

The answer is simple: Haul that dominatrix outfit out of the closet a few days before Halloween—or from wherever your stash of whips and leather is kept. This is the week you can inspire them to be toughened up without anyone being the wiser as to WHY you own a dominatrix outfit.

Then work your magic, Teacher—work your magic.

Dear Clem,
I have been doing some gardening, and someone suggested I plant some clematis. Unfortunately, I have been unable to find the clematis. When I ask other men about it, they don't seem to know what I'm talking about. Women, on the other hand, just shake their heads and say things like "You should know where it is by now". I have looked high and low, from mountains to deltas and from barren mounds to fertile jungles. Can you help me find the clematis? (My wife says I'm not planting another seed until I get an answer that satisfies her.)
Farmer Richard

Dear Farmer Dick:

Why do I suspect that the "someone" who suggested you master the clematis was your wife?

I am very well acquainted with clematis, as I once owned a rather prolific and colorful group of them. Shut up.

Clematis is a very touchy, temperamental thing when it comes to results. It can blossom in spurts—often high and dry on the vine, while at other times tumbling over itself in a desire to show its ability to provide beautiful blooms, long tangled tendrils and make that garden strut its stuff.

I have, however, discovered that clematis is not prone to bloom in frigid temps or under neglect. Rather it tends to only bloom in moist, warm places and under the expert tutelage of a Master Gardener, who can then move on to discover the Holy Grail of the Garden, or “G” spot, once the clematis has been mastered.

For best results, retrieve your hoe and remove its protective wrapping. Then, travel south, past the prickly pair toward the unweeded area of the planting section. (Sometimes, it has been weeded prior to your arrival, so if you reach a bare spot, don’t think you are in the wrong place.)

Feel for a break in the surface, using your hand in circular strokes until you recognize the presence of the root of your angst. You will immediately begin to see results as the mound heaves and rather directs you as to how to proseed.

You will experience rewards beyond belief—and may even earn community recognition for your newly honed talent. Good f—er—luck!!

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